Are we there?
by Sqully
Summary: Carby ,It’s not going anywhere, and there’s you. You’re holding me back, from what I didn’t realize until just now. You... based before Lockdown. just R&R please!


Are we there?

Authors note: This is supposed to be before Lockdown, but since I haven't seen any episodes before Lockdown, this is just my version, so deal with it. This song is "How do I Get There" by Deana Carter. Enjoy! I DO NOT OWN THE CHARACTERS OR THE SONG

Spoilers: um, they belong together? shrug it's the truth . . .

I don't own them, or Carter's hotness . . . starts drooling

_We've always been the best of friends_

_No secrets and no demands_

_But suddenly from somewhere out of the blue_

_I see a different light around you_

I'm not exactly sure what it is, I mean, I've tried to figure it out, but I got nothing. Maybe you can help me? Help me to figure out just what the hell it is that attracts me to you. It's like I'm being pulled to you by a rubber band, once I reach you, I'm snapped back. Back into reality. A reality where I can't be with you. And it sucks, it sucks big time. It just kills me, being able to see you with her. You don't seem to go together, and I'm not saying that just because of, well, that _thing_. It's just that, you seem so different, I actually do not understand how you two got together in the first place. Although I really have no room to talk do I? That's not the point . . . I think I'm straying from the point here, um.

_One thing I haven't told you, I just want to hold you_

_And never let go, I need to know_

I'm not sure when it happened, again with the cluenessness. You're just so, so . . . hot to put it simply. I just can't help it. I can just stare at you forever. Which sounds kinda creepy, I take that back. Well, this isn't something that's easy for me to just, put out there. I've crashed and burned so many times, it's kinda hard for me to get close to someone else. Which is something else you probably don't care about. I guess you can count _him_, but there really isn't anything there. Sure, he's a great guy and he's cute, but I think that's all there is. We're just putting on a show for ourselves. I'm pretending that I'm not interested in you, and him, well I'm not sure what he's doing. Nor, frankly, does it matter. I'm stopping this charade tonight. It's not going anywhere, and there's you. You're holding me back, from what I didn't realize until just now. You.

_How do I get there from here_

_How do I make you see_

_How do I tell you what my heart's been telling me_

_Lost in your lovin' arms that's where I wanna be_

_You know I love you_

_How do I get there?_

I was kinda hoping you felt the same about me, but I could be wrong. I usually am about these sorts of things. I got advice from a few other doctors, telling me that you stare at me when you think no one's looking. I have to laugh here. You? Stare at me? What exactly is there to stare at? Wow, that just boosted my self confidence. Anyways, I didn't believe it. I told her that she was wrong, you were watching something or someone else. But then I saw it with my own eyes. True, you didn't realize I was watching your reflection in the medicine cabinet, but all the same, you were watching me. I mean, like _gazing _at me, with this look in your eye. It kinda freaked me out, but also sent something off inside of me. Maybe there's a chance? Of you and me someday becoming more than the friends we are now? No way. I don't think so.

_You probably think I've lost my mind_

_Takin' this chance crossin' that line _

Remember? I got up the nerve to ask you, later of course, why you were watching me. And you got that shy look in your eye, and said that you weren't doing anything, you were zoned out. Then you apologized for it. You don't want it. I can tell. Either that or its her. Or him. I think its him. But don't worry, he's gone tonight, remember? I do hope we can still be friends, he's a great guy, but not like this. I'm glad you didn't catch that sorrowful look in my eye as you turned away from me. I just couldn't shake it the rest of the day. Or so I was told by three nurses, two doctors, four med students and one asshole that needs hair plugs and stilts.

_But I promise to be truer than true_

_Dreaming every night with these arms around you_

The rest of that day sucked, no surprise, it was a Monday. Now, its been five days, Friday's finally here. I've been waiting all week. I have tomorrow off, I'm not sure what I'm going to do. At this point in my shift, it doesn't seem to matter. I bite my lip as I watch you two walk into the lounge. Oh well, it was over before it started. Its probably better this way. It never would've worked out. True, I'll probably spend the rest of the night wallowing in my self pity, self disgust is more like it. I guess their wrong, that all you need is love. You need more than love.

_I can't wait any longer this feeling's getting stronger_

_Help me find a way_

I asked you a question, you never answered it. But, how can you ask a question when you yourself does not know the answer? I guess that's it then. I'll go down my road, you go down yours. Two bad there was a fork in the middle, screwing stuff up. You know, I once dreamt that we'd end up together. I really have no idea where that came from. Probably my heart, but that sounds too mushy, I take that back as well.

_How do I get there from here_

_How do I make you see_

_How do I tell you what my heart's been telling me _

I did it, and I feel awful. He's never going to talk to me ever again. The look in his eyes, I'll never forget, or his words. He told me that he knew that was coming, but he didn't know when. He looked so hurt. Okay, I guess _never _was kind of a strong word, I'll probably be talking to him tomorrow at work. I haven't seen you since, and I'm kinda glad. I'm not sure when you'll find out about what happened, or if you'll care. You're too happy off in you're relationship, you won't even notice. But you're coming towards me. When did this happen? You have that concerned look in you eyes. What for? Oh right, _that_. The whole, breaking up then returning to work without any sleep for almost 48 hours. Its that isn't it? I can tell. I try to tell you its nothing, but you don't believe me. Why can't you believe me for once and leave me alone. I can't stand to be around you for long periods of time. I get butterflies, or maybe their dragonflies, in my stomach, and I feel all hot from embarrassment. But you never notice anyways so what's the big deal?

_Lost in your lovin' arms that's where I wanna be_

_You know I love you_

_How do I get there_

I don't know what to do now. I can't really think straight with you so close. Three feet is close okay? Kerry is talking to you, you're turning away. Hurray! Freedom! I take this chance to turn away and get to the lounge and to get my stuff to get the hell out of here before I blow. And that won't be a pretty sight, will it? I don't think you followed me, so I continue collecting my jacket and purse. Nothing left, so I turn after slamming my locker shut to come face to face with you. Why are you staring at me?

_I know the shortest distance between two points is a straight line_

_But I'll climb any mountain that you want me to climb_

You're talking to me, but I'm barely listening. You're eyes are really intense, and tired looking. And you're the one telling me to go home and get some rest for goodness sake? And I quote . . . You care too much you know that? Of course, in my case that'd be an understatement. Because I'm head over heels in love with you. Oh god, did I say that out loud? I said that out loud, you're staring at me. Shit shit shit . . . no, you're saying good night. It was in my head. Thank god. But as you're leaving, and all I have to stare at is your back, I wished that I had said it out loud. But would it have made difference? The door is swinging shut. I don't think so.

_The perfect combination is your heart and mine_

_Darlin' won't you give me a sign _

This is a cold night, I wish I had brought a thicker jacket, or maybe one of those giant coats that Eskimos where . . . interesting idea. But, ah, hot bath wins, successfully killing that idea. Almost home, almost home. There it is, the familiar humming of the one and only jeep I have ever ridden in in my life. You're calling out to me through the bitter cold, I have no choice but to turn around. Soon I'm in the heat, and loving it as I desperately try to warm up my hands. You comment on how I looked like an icicle, so I laugh with you, knowing it was true.

_How do I get there from here_

_How do I make you see_

You're getting closer to my apartment, and I thank you. Its no problem. I'm sure it is, you probably have _her_ waiting for you. But I finally glance over at you and realize something is different. Then I catch it, he's hiding something. Pain, I think. I ask, but you deny that anything is wrong. Typical of you, you know? I got it. I don't even have to pry it from you. You've broken up. It's written all over your face. I ask again, and you spill, she said that it wasn't working. I want to console you, but you've stopped in front of my apartment. Neither of us move nor speak. It's like its been planned out for us. But why can't you see? _How_ can I make you see?

_How do I tell you what my heart's been telling me_

_Lost in your lovin' arms that's where I wanna be_

I want to tell you, everything, but I can't. It isn't the right time, it never seems to be, but now definitely isn't. I nod my thanks and push the door open. But you stop me before I can get out. Allowing the snow to swirl onto my right leg that has made it out of the car. Whatever you're trying to say, you can't say it. I understand what it is. I can't believe my own ears, or mind actually, but its there. In your eyes. I just smile and lean forward. My lips meet yours in a soft meeting. No passion, no lust or hungry tongue lapping, just lips. It lasts no more than three seconds. Yet it leaves me breathless. Odd huh? You're smiling, and so am I. The hand that had grasped my arm gave, allowing me to step slowly from the car. But I turn around to smile again, then my hand comes up in a small wave. He mimics my actions, along with the words 'I'll call you'. Cute, real cute. And who says I have _his_ phone number . . .memorized . . . I shake my head gently, he'll call _me_, he'll call _me_. Its really cold, so I slowly shut the car door with thud. I back up and watch you drive off. Its cold but I don't notice it.

_You know I love you_

_How do I get there_

Never mind, I change my question. How do I stay there, here, wherever we are? Because wherever it is, I want to stay there, here, forever, and ever, and ever . . .

A/N: I hope that was alright, I just did that all in less than in hour, I think that's the most I've done in that time frame. You can review, or not, it doesn't matter to me. And if you haven't yet figured out who's narrating, or anything else, just leave it in a review and I'll email you.


End file.
